Are we coming back around to self-care?

Self-care has a bad reputation these days.

The term has become commercialized, over-simplified, and dare I say it—performative. We're coming to the realization that expensive skincare routines and yoga classes and little treats aren't necessarily the life-changing habits they were branded to be. Things like therapy, boundary-setting, and living in line with our values are much more durable forms of caring for ourselves.

And yet.

As I was re-organizing my closet and cleaning up my spaces last weekend, I realized that taking care of ourselves in those little ways is still important. It might not solve all our problems, but it can have a real impact on our lives. After a long, stressful month, setting my future self up in the best possible way for the week ahead felt like a genuine act of love, from me to me. And yes, it did include an 'everything shower.'

The beauty of self-care is that it can take many shapes.

A couple weeks ago, a TikTok about whimsical habits went viral. The creator asked her viewers to share things they do to maintain a sense of whimsy in their lives. Reading through the responses made me feel so warm and fuzzy. It renewed my sense of interest in the world.

Let me give you some examples from the comment section:

• Saying, “Can you hold this please?” to inanimate objects when you throw your bag or coat onto them.

• Telling your groceries, food, bag, etc. to “hold on, ladies,” as you make a tight turn in the car.

• Wearing matching pajamas when you change the sheets so you can have a ‘fancy sleep.’

• Listening to French music in headphones whenever grocery shopping.

• Telling your dishes it’s bath time.

• Saying excuse me to pigeons you pass on the sidewalk.

• Painting shells of garden snails so you know when you have a repeat visitor.

• Addressing yourself as ‘my lady’ whenever you pass a mirror.

• Always putting mustard on your sandwich in the shape of a flower.

As a writer, this list provides great inspiration for characterization. Think about how much you can understand about a character by witnessing a quirky phrase or unusual behavior. It’s an immediate and powerful tool. That’s what the best writers know how to do well.

But on a personal level, the post reminded me that we get to choose how we show up in the world. We can cultivate small behaviors, little ways of being playful and open-minded, that can improve our mood and our creativity over time.

I believe nurturing the childish side of ourselves can be revolutionary act of self-care, especially for women, who are often expected to grow up quickly and to be caregivers for others.

The answer is both.

Weekly manicures won't change your toxic relationship with work, and being more whimsical probably won't either. But, if we only focus on the really hard self-care stuff, it's easy to lose momentum and burn out. So do both, and take good care of yourself.

What I'm reading: An Academy for Liars | Alexis Henderson

My ears to yours: Praying for Your Downfall | Jensen McRae